Tuesday, May 1, 2018

easy to say easy

Maybe you say it's easy because you've passed through it, it's a very common thing.

"Today I'm having a test," your 12 years old nephew said.
"What test?"
"It's midterm."
"Ck. You don't even have to study for that."

But for them, it's not. It's not easy for them. For them, that test means the whole world. And you just made them down, even for a bit. Makes them questions their abilities.

Can I be better than my siblings? 
I am afraid I can't make my parents proud.
I don't think it's easy.
Why is it easy for her, and not for me?
Am I stupid?
I am so nervous.

I once did that too. Or even more than once. But I do remember one, because my dad slapped back my words. No, not that kind of slap, he said it jokingly.

"Besok si X ujian ya?" my mom said. 
"Oh iya? Ujian apa?"
"Ujian nasional SD kayanya." she answered.
"Alah, ujian nasional doang. Gampang banget deh, kayanya."
my dad laughed.
He said, "Kamu bilang gampang karena kamu udah lewat. Coba waktu dulu, kamu juga deg - degan kaya gitu, panik - panik ga jelas. Ya kan?"

and it slapped me in the face. I mean, how many times did I let my mouth said the things it shouldn't have said? How many times did I let people down? Thousands, millions, billions?

I said to someone,
"I failed my test."
"Why? God, you have everything you need! How could you live in such privilege and still not having a good grade?"
And it hurts me. It does. I don't want to hold grudge, but I think I was born with it. Simply forgetting what people said to me is not my style. I remember. I remember all the things you did to me, and fortunately it concludes the good things too. So it's either a blessing or a curse. 

I don't want people to experience that kind of conversation. It sucks. But sometimes people do need a slap in their ass to wake them up, to make them realize this life isn't some kind of wonderland. But hey, you don't have to drag people down to your hell to make them realize that. 

I knoooooow I know it's sooooooo satisfying to show that you've passed so many obstacles other than him/her but hey who the hell cares? People has their own obstacles and some obstacles are down there not up here, so you cannot see them because you always put your heads up and not knowing anything but yourself. 

One's problem is different from other. It's always do. No matter how alike they are, even twins, they're different. 

Don't ever think you're stronger than others so you can judge them as a weak, fragile, nonsense person when they tell you how hard their life is. 
You may be their last option, and you cannot throw that opportunity away. 


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