shut

I try to reflect as much as I can.

To my parents, my sisters, my brothers, my friends, and myself.

To see, how would this or that affect them, affect me. 

Yesterday, I drove mindlessly, anywhere the steering wheel took me.

In fact, I do that many times, countless times. 

I love the thought of being alone. 

Being able to be alone with my thoughts; it's addictive.

Once you get to know your mind, you'll never want to walk out of it.

It's you, and the universe you created.

It's you, and your thought only.

It's just super tiring to socialize and turns out it didn't work. 

All the time, all the energy, all the feelings I've involved𑁋

means nothing to them. 

That's why I reflect many times.

To convince myself, that maybe we all live on our own.

Maybe it's a fault to hang your happiness to others.

Maybe it's not them, 

it's me. 

Read More

define everything

A human mind is an endless tunnel of everything.

I love rain. 

While others, don't. They just simply don't like it, while I, simply, like it.

For me, superheroes movies are just fun to watch. The good vs the bad. Nothing more.

As for my friends, they're crazy about it. The fan theories, the comics; there's always more to it. 

The older I am, the more I realize there's always some frictions on every part of our social life. In fact, there are so many frictions. I am quite losing my grounds on the term of friendship right now. 

I don't really know, who's my closest friends?

Do you like me for just being a partner on some events or do you like me for being me?

Do you hangs out with me because you wanted to see me or just simply you want to watch the movie?

Are we even friends?

I always thought a friend is the one who you can call anytime anywhere simply because you were bored at the airport because your flight was being delayed; and vice versa.

I always thought a friend is the one who calls you right away the minute you tell them you need some ears; and vice versa.

I always thought a friend is the one who you can ask right away for a movie time whenever you were free; and vice versa.

I always thought a friend is the one who always know whether you're okay or not; even if  you're not telling them; and vice versa.

I always thought a friend is the one who can tells you everything about their problems, or simply their days; no matter how small it is. And vice versa.

But then I realize, 

there's nothing vice versa between us.

p.s: a.p𑁋this isn't for you; you're the best.

Read More

city of stars

City of stars

Are you shining just for me?

City of stars

There's so much that I can't see

Who knows?

Is this the start of something wonderful and new?

Or one more dream that I cannot make true?

***

Hey, sister. 

You always say you like this song.

I used to say nothing to your statement, but now I wonder if this song maybe means something to you.

About your dreams, your loved one, and your life.

Or maybe it's just me, ha.

You're not such a philosophic person, after all.

I just need to state that,

you'll always be my big sister.

Forever.

No matter what happens.

At any cost.

You'll always be one of my role models (top 5 indeed),

the one I share my thoughts with,

the one I share my words with.

But sometimes, you need to look around you and realize one thing.

You are never alone on any step you're taking in your life.

You can cry, you can tell anyone you trust about your problems.

Hey, 

it's okay not to be okay.

It's okay to cry sometimes;

it's not the sign of weakness,

but it's one prove that we're all human.

  xx,           

your little sister.

Read More